Her text read, “Madaleine, I can’t walk.”
She never calls me by my full name.
I can not breath.
The pressure on my temples is …. so …. painful.
It happens like this every time.
The surface of my rational thought is broken.
I am no longer me, now, age twenty and strong.
I am fourteen.
Caught in this awful place where nothing is safe.
Fear in my heart, my chest, my breath.
Thoughts twisting instantly.
Crippling illness, suicide, insanity, death.
It happened, it happens, it’s happening.
I have a worst case scenario for every situation.
What if she could never walk again?
Pain shoots up from (my) collar bones to (my) eyes.
My brain has filled with tears.
I can not see anything but this.
My soppy, scared brain relays through every possible emotion.
They all hurt.